I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
