Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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