I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
