Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
