Hey man sorry I got all grabby
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
