Well douche your snatch and let's go!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
