I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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