Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!