Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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(334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh

Replies (50) Good night (2871) Bad night (939)
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(410): View more from Maryland

A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.

(410): View more from Maryland

and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.

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(410): A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis. (410): and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap. http://tfl.nu/onen

Replies (26) Good night (1122) Bad night (2832)
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(858): View more from California

I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.

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(858): I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win. http://tfl.nu/f8rt

Replies (40) Good night (5896) Bad night (1079)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

only you would photoshop your dick

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(973): only you would photoshop your dick http://tfl.nu/yxwr

Replies (10) Good night (996) Bad night (4577)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh

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(208): Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh http://tfl.nu/jb8q

Replies (19) Good night (3015) Bad night (1368)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"

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(403): Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters" http://tfl.nu/r2rb

Replies (6) Good night (2522) Bad night (1283)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.

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(419): Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/x4xs

Replies (4) Good night (1615) Bad night (935)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

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(402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift

Replies (8) Good night (3952) Bad night (847)
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(682): View more from Texas

I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.

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(682): I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery. http://tfl.nu/qxsn

Replies (4) Good night (1994) Bad night (596)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.

(480): View more from Arizona

I told you I would

(931): View more from Tennessee

I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend

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(931): I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me. (480): I told you I would (931): I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend http://tfl.nu/o3w2

Replies (7) Good night (2157) Bad night (545)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.

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(215): I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets. http://tfl.nu/wd0k

Replies (11) Good night (1534) Bad night (782)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots

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(519): I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots http://tfl.nu/46f2

Replies (17) Good night (1974) Bad night (436)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.

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(603): I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals. http://tfl.nu/uk0n

Replies (4) Good night (462) Bad night (1288)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any

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(307): Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any http://tfl.nu/i4l6

Replies (3) Good night (280) Bad night (564)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?

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(570): I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/4cua

Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (142)

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