Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen

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  (586): if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/wvv2
  Replies (0) Good night (1460) Bad night (569)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.

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  (305): Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough. http://tfl.nu/p0ma
  Replies (7) Good night (2700) Bad night (643)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?

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  (631): Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"? http://tfl.nu/0zdv
  Replies (29) Good night (5161) Bad night (1701)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.

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  (860): I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared. http://tfl.nu/7yxr
  Replies (13) Good night (5626) Bad night (947)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  What did I say?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,

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  (636): You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why. (847): What did I say? (636): Don't ask me questions while I have an erection, http://tfl.nu/e9w1
  Replies (11) Good night (7868) Bad night (1182)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.

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  (330): Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron. http://tfl.nu/yv9g
  Replies (5) Good night (4152) Bad night (803)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.

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  (269): I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you. http://tfl.nu/jro0
  Replies (9) Good night (3598) Bad night (872)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

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  (406): She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads?? http://tfl.nu/sqt6
  Replies (24) Good night (1987) Bad night (2817)
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  (408): View more from California

  You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.

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  (408): You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed. http://tfl.nu/u516
  Replies (7) Good night (1095) Bad night (2153)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again

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  (570): I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again http://tfl.nu/qatr
  Replies (7) Good night (1978) Bad night (632)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s

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  (309): there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s http://tfl.nu/9pu3
  Replies (14) Good night (1298) Bad night (691)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.

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  (520): Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/speg
  Replies (11) Good night (1106) Bad night (491)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.

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  (701): Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy. http://tfl.nu/ym5a
  Replies (3) Good night (431) Bad night (595)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.

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  (301): Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask. http://tfl.nu/cyae
  Replies (4) Good night (443) Bad night (266)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?

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  (740): I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin? http://tfl.nu/l0iy
  Replies (3) Good night (834) Bad night (240)

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