Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.