Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(530): View more from California

Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake http://tfl.nu/i8af

Replies (27) Good night (1556) Bad night (668)
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt

Replies (9) Good night (5249) Bad night (1158)
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers. http://tfl.nu/hlo3

Replies (6) Good night (2388) Bad night (1224)
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike. http://tfl.nu/mqaw

Replies (4) Good night (688) Bad night (1506)
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/noz9

Replies (12) Good night (729) Bad night (3070)
Favorite
(719): View more from Colorado

the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(719): the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand. http://tfl.nu/ekbv

Replies (11) Good night (1746) Bad night (626)
Favorite
(512): View more from Texas

I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(512): I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone http://tfl.nu/z79l

Replies (11) Good night (1919) Bad night (586)
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself? http://tfl.nu/1puu

Replies (6) Good night (1740) Bad night (576)
Favorite
(706): View more from Georgia

Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(706): Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size. http://tfl.nu/vhd5

Replies (8) Good night (585) Bad night (2094)
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate. http://tfl.nu/2ksi

Replies (7) Good night (1712) Bad night (489)
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!

(1-404): View more from Georgia

Be safe. And I hate you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND! (1-404): Be safe. And I hate you. http://tfl.nu/32xo

Replies (3) Good night (1310) Bad night (413)
Favorite
(423): View more from Tennessee

In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(423): In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like. http://tfl.nu/eb14

Replies (9) Good night (816) Bad night (433)
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday! http://tfl.nu/ki05

Replies (2) Good night (535) Bad night (327)
Favorite
(651): View more from Minnesota

I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(651): I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got http://tfl.nu/tlim

Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (395)
Favorite
(805): View more from California

Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves. http://tfl.nu/hmsm

Replies (4) Good night (900) Bad night (338)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard