Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
