I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
