You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
