Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
