yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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