I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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