Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
