A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
