today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Drunk is not a location!
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