The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
