The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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