I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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