Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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