All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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