His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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