She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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