i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
