The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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