There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
