It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
