God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
