that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think my vagina is haunted
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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