I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
