John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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