sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
