So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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