Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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