Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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