your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
