I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
