Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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