Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
