There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
