Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
