Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
try to milk me bitch
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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