Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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