Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
