Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
