dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
