This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
