I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
