I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
