she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
