the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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