You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
