i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
