they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
