Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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