Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
