I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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