Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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