Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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