the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
