Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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