just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
