if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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