if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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