My friends, they love my intelligence
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Randomize
