matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
