the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
