Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
