do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
