I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
