I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
