This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
