Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
