She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
